Have you found your village? What are you waiting for!
By Michaela Taylor
It takes a village to raise a child. A proverb that most women and mothers have probably heard a million times, but if any of you are like me you're probably too stubborn to let the damn village in. Even when help is offered, there is this guilt about taking it. Why?!
I have come to the conclusion that for me it boils down to three things:
1. This belief I have to always be maternal and have the answers.
2. Not wanting to lose control.
3. Fear of judgement.
Even as little girls we play with dolls and society looks at us and says, "Oh it's her maternal instincts". Well I don't know about everyone else, but I definitely did not get these instincts! In fact when my first was born it was my boyfriend, Stuart, who ended up doing almost everything at first. I had zero idea what to do with something so tiny! It took time for me to find my maternal side, and a whole lot of work. To this day I never pretend to have all the answers. I'm definitely learning as I go with this one.
However, on the flip side I do have a very specific way of doing things and physically cringe when I'm not in control. This isn't just with grandparents, relatives, or friends... this is with Stuart as well! I have been working hard on letting go of that control and learning to accept the help, but every part of me just wants to step in and do it myself. This is why I can't take a break in my house, because if my children are in my general vicinity, my 'mom mode' is on.
Then we have mom shaming and mom guilt. I'm sure we've all experienced it in one way or another. There will always be someone judging or trying to tell you how to do things; and if it's not them, it's you being hard on yourself. This is why the idea of accepting help is hard for me. I start to feel guilty for needing the help or I feel like the person is judging me for needing it. It's exhausting!
After my second was born I knew it was time to find my village though. Two times the exhaustion, two times the guilt, two times everything and I only had two hands! I finally started accepting the help and offers from friends and family, and I joined a bunch (and I mean a bunch!) of mom networks. Yes, there will always be some drama and judgement, but you will also find like-minded people and moms. Those are the people that will start to form your village!
Michaela is mom to two beautiful girls. Her new journey has taken her to a new calling. On her blog and website, www.soulhaven.vision, she will be offering online Tarot Readings to help people find a way to connect to their true selves. Dope moms will receive a free past/present/future reading, head to the discounts section to get the code.